... about whether or not I'm wearing makeup or if my house is clean; ... about what people think about me or my parenting style; ... about whether or not my kids make the gifted and talented program or what college they may or may not attend 10 years from now; ... about making a good impression.
June 25, 2008
How?
How, Lord?
How do I keep from living in the past…
From dreaming of yesterday and longing for days gone by?
How do I hold the memories close enough to enjoy, but not so much that they consume me?
How, Lord?
How do I appreciate today… with all its sorrow, with all its grief, with all it’s missing?
How do I look forward to tomorrow?
How do I look at my boys and see what’s there, without dwelling on what’s not?
How, Lord?
How do I have compassion for others, whose hardships I don’t deem “worthy” of mine?
How do I demonstrate the joy of the Lord, when I feel the hardness and cruelty of this world?
How do I experience grief fully, without wallowing in it?
How, Lord?
How do I keep from marking everything by that one moment in time…either “before” or “after”?
How can I be changed by my loss, but not engulfed by it?
How do I let it sharpen me, without cutting me to pieces?
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6 comments:
Leigh... I wish I knew. I wish there were a simple answer. I wish there were an allotted period of grief, after which it would ease its grip and life would move on without the weight. It's not fair. I'm here to tell you that the illness and death of your precious son is WAY worse than all the other trials I've had in my life, combined. It just is. It's not fair that some people have to endure a heart-wrenching loss and others don't. All I can say is that I KNOW that your faith and your example of how you walk this walk have been, and continue to be, a ministry to so many people. That Paul touched more people in his 6 short years than many people touch in 90 years. That's small comfort now, but it's all I've got. :) Wish I could jump through the computer screen and give you a hug, today and throughout the month of July. You guys continue to be in our thoughts each day.
Happy Anniversary a little late! Mine was yesterday!
I don't know the answers to any of your questions, but I know that God is so faithful to carry us through. I am still praying for you and your family often.
Oh Leigh, I wish I had the answers for you. My prayers continue for you every single day.
Leigh,
What a beautiful poem. It says it all. It expresses your heart. I can relate, even though I still have my Joshie. I continue to pray for you and your family.
april
www.caringbridge.org/or/joshua
www.noendinsightexceptheaven.blogspot.com
As simple as it may seem (knowing that some days/moments it it not simple at all), one breath at a time. Sometimes the simple act of breathing is the best we have. In it, we say it all: I am alive, I am surviving, I am yours, You are mine, I'm angry with you, I love you, I will make it to another breath, this is what matters, etc.
In time, as wounds heal (not dissapear), breathing becomes easier, words can be added, and our lives expand once again to something we can never imagine in the place where all we can do...is breathe.
Grace and peace to you today as you breathe.
I am praying for you as I know it has almost been a year. Your family is constantly in my thoughts and I am praying today.
Your Companion In Christ,
Jennifer
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