It's the big things.
Recently, some friends of ours got married. It was a beautiful ceremony. Even more special was the fact that Paul's very best friend, Madalyn, was a flower girl. As she walked down the aisle, I couldn't help but be amazed at how much she has changed in the past 2 years. Of course, it made me think of Paul. What would he look like now as an 8-year-old? Who would his friends be now? Would he still be in love with Nascar? Would he squirm during the wedding service? Be excited to wave at Madalyn? I'm not naive enough to believe that the two would continue to be friends or eventually get married or anything silly like that. But, a wedding ceremony does leave me to wonder... and wondering always makes me cry.
It's the little things.
Nutrigrain bars. Some people call them cereal bars; we always called them cookie bars. Paul was my only child who liked them, and we bought them regularly. It was a quick snack that I always felt was nutritious, so I let him have them whenever he wanted. I can remember many times cutting them into little pieces (one cut length-wise and four cuts long ways) and putting them into a snack baggie for the trip to the clinic. Well, about six or seven of those things have been sitting in the bottom of our cookie jar since before Paul died. That's two years for those of you who don't know. I haven't had the heart, guts, emotional fortitude, desire, or whatever else it would take to throw them away, so they have remained.
Recently, I decided it was time. I stared at them, then I turned my back on the cookie jar and cried. Finally, in one complete motion and in about 1/4 of a second, I scooped them out of the jar and pitched them into the garbage. Then I cried some more.
Yeah, it's the little things. And the big ones.
May 28, 2009
May 6, 2009
Good Schtick
I was cleaning out my desk the other day and I ran across something worth sharing. A while back, my sister-in-law gave me one of those "one-a-day" calendars. You know the kind I'm talking about - you tear off a page every day (except on the weekends when they cheat you and give you two days at a time - that's really lame).
Well, this was one that had excerpts from a book (or maybe several). I can't remember the author, so I can't give credit, but let's just say that I didn't write any of this stuff. I saved a few of the days, and re-reading them, I think they are worth saving.
Just wanted to share a few that I thought were good:
Thursday July 4
Do we really understand how far the American Dream is from God's dream for us? We're steeped in a culture that worships freedom, independence, personal rights, and the pursuit of pleasure. We respect people who sacrifice to get what they want. But to be a living sacrifice? To be crucified to self?
Tuesday May 28
The truth is, the farther you go for God, the narrower the road becomes and the harder God will judge you should you fall into serious sin. You've tasted amazing things from His hands, but you can lose it all - for a period of time or for the rest of your life. The grief can be staggering.
Thursday October 17
God is waiting for each of us to grab hold of a greater vision for our lives - a vision that matches His own - and plead with Him for it to come true. To be more fruitful for God, we need more opportunity, and we need to see the opportunities already surrounding us that we have continually overlooked.
Sat/Sun October 12/13
Will you let God work in your life regardless of what He chooses? It will always be for your best.
Monday August 19
Countless Christians allow fear to stop them in their tracks because they assume that the feeling of fear is a red light from God (and a feeling of courage is a green light). Yet when we feel fear in following God, we are told to "take courage." In fact, those who achieve greatness for God run toward the discomfort zone because that's the primary place where borders expand.
Tuesday July 23
Letting the Spirit speak through us is meant to happen on a regular basis. This is the NORMAL Christian life. You and I are called to be His ambassadors - He rarely uses any other option. He's not going to speak from heaven at our workplace or in school hallways. He won't send an email to your straying friend. God needs the mouths of His people to be filled with His Spirit.
Sat/Sun July 20/21
Life change takes place when you change how you think. Truth is wasted in our lives if we don't put it to work to accomplish what God wants. Jesus promised, "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (John 8:32) Yet most of us are only beginners at experiencing God's blessings because we haven't let the truth set us free by changing what we think and do.
Good Schtick, I think. Hope it is encouraging and challenging to you today.
Well, this was one that had excerpts from a book (or maybe several). I can't remember the author, so I can't give credit, but let's just say that I didn't write any of this stuff. I saved a few of the days, and re-reading them, I think they are worth saving.
Just wanted to share a few that I thought were good:
Thursday July 4
Do we really understand how far the American Dream is from God's dream for us? We're steeped in a culture that worships freedom, independence, personal rights, and the pursuit of pleasure. We respect people who sacrifice to get what they want. But to be a living sacrifice? To be crucified to self?
Tuesday May 28
The truth is, the farther you go for God, the narrower the road becomes and the harder God will judge you should you fall into serious sin. You've tasted amazing things from His hands, but you can lose it all - for a period of time or for the rest of your life. The grief can be staggering.
Thursday October 17
God is waiting for each of us to grab hold of a greater vision for our lives - a vision that matches His own - and plead with Him for it to come true. To be more fruitful for God, we need more opportunity, and we need to see the opportunities already surrounding us that we have continually overlooked.
Sat/Sun October 12/13
Will you let God work in your life regardless of what He chooses? It will always be for your best.
Monday August 19
Countless Christians allow fear to stop them in their tracks because they assume that the feeling of fear is a red light from God (and a feeling of courage is a green light). Yet when we feel fear in following God, we are told to "take courage." In fact, those who achieve greatness for God run toward the discomfort zone because that's the primary place where borders expand.
Tuesday July 23
Letting the Spirit speak through us is meant to happen on a regular basis. This is the NORMAL Christian life. You and I are called to be His ambassadors - He rarely uses any other option. He's not going to speak from heaven at our workplace or in school hallways. He won't send an email to your straying friend. God needs the mouths of His people to be filled with His Spirit.
Sat/Sun July 20/21
Life change takes place when you change how you think. Truth is wasted in our lives if we don't put it to work to accomplish what God wants. Jesus promised, "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (John 8:32) Yet most of us are only beginners at experiencing God's blessings because we haven't let the truth set us free by changing what we think and do.
Good Schtick, I think. Hope it is encouraging and challenging to you today.
May 1, 2009
The greatest of these...
People keep asking me the question, "How was your trip?" That's a tough one to answer. I usually reply with "It was great!" and then wonder how much they really want to hear. It's hard to do the trip justice even with a limitless amount of time, much less while in line at the grocery store or in between carpools.
So... here I will attempt to answer that question with more than just, "It was great." How was my trip? Well, it WAS great.
I've written about my trip to the local hospital (blog entry 4/19), which was tough and left me feeling inadequate, powerless, and hopeless. But what I have wanted to follow up with is my trip to Kadeeja's house that same afternoon.
Kadeeja is the 16-year-old who had heart surgery several weeks ago. The surgery was a huge success and literally saved her life. It was so wonderful to see the excitement in her eyes and the love her family feels for Jessica and the kids. They opened their home to us and treated us like extended family.
I have a very vivid memory of sitting in Kadeeja's home and witnessing Jessica talking Kurdish to about 10 other women of various ages... talking, laughing, hugging, kissing. Occasionally, she would have time and breath to fill me in on the conversation, and other times, I could get the gist of it based on hand and facial gestures.
And I really believe I was witnessing a miracle... I was witnessing relationships tearing down the walls of discrimination, judgement and fear. How easy is it for me to judge that all Muslims hate Americans and are willing to sacrifice their own lives to destroy ours? How easy is it for Muslims to discriminate against all Americans as being the immoral, rich and petty people they see in Hollywood films? And how easy is it for both sides to fear each other... fear what they don't know or understand?
But that one afternoon, in that one home, with that one family, RELATIONSHIP was happening... in the name of Jesus. Jessica was unconditionally loving these women...not judging them or debating with them... but loving them and living life alongside them.
And they were responding... They were responding to love. They were responding to a relationship. They were responding to Jesus.
None of these women are believers yet. But I have no doubt that the Lord is seeking after them and pursuing them, and orchestrating the events in their lives to point to Him. I believe that one of them, maybe two, or possibly even three of these women will one day be followers of Christ. And not because they were talked into it, or shown the error of their ways, but because of one compelling factor: Love.
I saw a lot that day. I saw the despair, the hopelessness, the endless need of proper medical care for a sea of people who lack the money necessary to get it, I saw a child dying, and a desperate mother waiting. And I also saw hope. I saw the difference that love can make for one family. I saw the future of a young muslim girl changed not just because her physical heart was healed, but because of the power of the Holy Spirit to change her spiritual heart.
"But now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
1 Cor. 13:13
So... here I will attempt to answer that question with more than just, "It was great." How was my trip? Well, it WAS great.
I've written about my trip to the local hospital (blog entry 4/19), which was tough and left me feeling inadequate, powerless, and hopeless. But what I have wanted to follow up with is my trip to Kadeeja's house that same afternoon.
Kadeeja is the 16-year-old who had heart surgery several weeks ago. The surgery was a huge success and literally saved her life. It was so wonderful to see the excitement in her eyes and the love her family feels for Jessica and the kids. They opened their home to us and treated us like extended family.
I have a very vivid memory of sitting in Kadeeja's home and witnessing Jessica talking Kurdish to about 10 other women of various ages... talking, laughing, hugging, kissing. Occasionally, she would have time and breath to fill me in on the conversation, and other times, I could get the gist of it based on hand and facial gestures.
And I really believe I was witnessing a miracle... I was witnessing relationships tearing down the walls of discrimination, judgement and fear. How easy is it for me to judge that all Muslims hate Americans and are willing to sacrifice their own lives to destroy ours? How easy is it for Muslims to discriminate against all Americans as being the immoral, rich and petty people they see in Hollywood films? And how easy is it for both sides to fear each other... fear what they don't know or understand?
But that one afternoon, in that one home, with that one family, RELATIONSHIP was happening... in the name of Jesus. Jessica was unconditionally loving these women...not judging them or debating with them... but loving them and living life alongside them.
And they were responding... They were responding to love. They were responding to a relationship. They were responding to Jesus.
None of these women are believers yet. But I have no doubt that the Lord is seeking after them and pursuing them, and orchestrating the events in their lives to point to Him. I believe that one of them, maybe two, or possibly even three of these women will one day be followers of Christ. And not because they were talked into it, or shown the error of their ways, but because of one compelling factor: Love.
I saw a lot that day. I saw the despair, the hopelessness, the endless need of proper medical care for a sea of people who lack the money necessary to get it, I saw a child dying, and a desperate mother waiting. And I also saw hope. I saw the difference that love can make for one family. I saw the future of a young muslim girl changed not just because her physical heart was healed, but because of the power of the Holy Spirit to change her spiritual heart.
"But now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
1 Cor. 13:13
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