Kadeeja (bottom row in the pink) is a 16-year-old girl who recently had heart surgery in Turkey through the Preemptive Love Coalition. She is currently doing very well.
It's really true that I know less now than I used to. When I was 20, I had all the answers (actually, it was from about age 14 until 34). Now that I'm 40, I just have a lot of questions.
I went to Iraq looking for answers. I came back with more questions. Questions like:
How do I - an unskilled, unrich, individual without any clout or "weight" to throw around - begin to help Iraqi kids who need heart surgery?
How does an organization begin to address the CAUSE of these heart issues in addition to saving the lives of those already affected?
How can I help inside a culture I don't understand?
Why was I born in America where I receive and even expect the best medical care that is almost completely covered by insurance?
How do I care for a person's physical heart (the temporal) in such a way that communicates my care for their spiritual heart (the eternal)?
How do I love someone who is so different from me... how do I avoid seeing them as a "project"... as someone I want to change?
How do I justify helping people halfway around the world when there are others right in my own neighborhood who need help?
Why - in spite of all our efforts and prayers and in opposition to every doctor's prediction - do some kids die? How do I speak hope to these parents who don't yet know the promises of Jesus?
Why can't I just forget about all those kids (because there's really nothing I can do), stay home and watch American Idol twice a week, teach the 5th grade boys' SS class, and just give generously to the Lottie Moon missions offering every year?
Whenever I have these overwhelming questions without definite answers, it takes me a good long while, but eventually, I find my way to John chapter 14. Jesus is talking to his disciples about going to prepare a place for them. He says, "...And you know the way where I am going." Then Thomas has a response that I love: "Lord, we do not know where You are going, how do we know the way?"
I love this because it is TOTALLY the way I would respond. Especially because I am so "directionally challenged", I would panic, thinking there was some map we were supposed to all have that I must've lost or missed out on. I want to know the details... give me directions... when do I turn left, how long do I travel down this road before turning right? I want specifics.
But Christ's response was beautiful. It is, simply: Me. "I am the way, and the truth and the life; no one comes to the Father, but through Me."
Jesus is the answer. To all those questions.
How do I help? Jesus
Why was I born in America? Jesus
How do I love someone different from me? Jesus
Why do some kids die? Jesus
Now, I know that there are times when very specific answers are necessary, but - at least in my life - those specifics don't come until I accept JESUS as the answer first. It is in looking to Him and for Him that the details and the specifics are revealed, or - more often than not - seem to fall into place without any effort or knowledge or great revelation on my part.
For example, in John 13, Jesus says to his disciples, "If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you."
What kind of love, sacrifice and humility does it take to wash someone's feet? Beyond what I know. And yet, I think that's the answer. I am not called to Iraq to save kids' lives. I am not called to Iraq to convert people to Christianity. I am not called to Iraq to "enlighten" them or bring them wisdom or open their eyes to the truth.
I am called to Iraq to wash their feet, and I cannot wash their feet until I love them. And in the process of loving and washing feet, I will receive the amazing blessing of watching the Holy Spirit do His job of changing lives and "enlightening the eyes of their hearts so that they may know the hope of His calling..."
That sounds all spiritual and wise, doesn't it? I might even have you convinced that I know what I'm talking about. Don't be fooled. I don't. I've got a long way to go, and what I really want is for someone to tell me when to turn left and how far to go to get there.
4 comments:
When someone gives you the answer to your last questions, please tell me too!!!
Leigh, you are amazing and you are doing such incredible things. I admire you.
Thank you for sharing your questions and the answer. I often need to read what you share.
this brought me great encouragement today. thanks for sharing. life is so hard! i don't understand. but there is comfort in our once wounded, now risen Savior.
This is a great posting Leigh. Thank you for sharing your questions with us. It will cause all of us to wrestle with our own unanswered questions.
You talked about your calling and you're desire to figure out the directions that God is leading you. So where is Terril in all of this? It might help me as a wife to know how you guys listen to the Lord together to figure this kind of thing out.
I would love to hear what you have to say about following God as a couple into mission work. That's certainly my point of confusion, since my husband just doesn't get what i think God wants me to be doing.
Thank you for the post, Leigh. Wonderfully said - - beautifully put. Much easier said than done, often times. I am so glad you are home safely and cannot wait to hear more of your thoughts from your trip.
S
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