The Chicken Or The Egg

A while back, I journaled this one morning:

Lord...
give me understanding so that I may give you back obedience.
give me strength so that I may give you back endurance.
give me wisdom so that I may give you back blamelessness.
give me peace so that I may give you back a content heart.
give me patience so that I may give you my trust.

I have to admit, I thought that was pretty good stuff. Sure, I was asking for a lot, but I was doing it for the right reason... the right motivation.

Lately, I've been hanging around in Psalm 119. Recently, I read these verses:
"I have more insight than all my teachers, For Your testimonies are my meditation. I understand more than the aged, Because I have observed Your precepts.... From Your precepts I get understanding..."

Clearly, the writer of this Psalm didn't first gain understanding and then become obedient (like my journaled prayer). Opposite to that, it was his obedience that resulted in understanding. I have been blaming my lack of obedience on my lack of understanding. I've been waiting on God to reveal some great thing to me so that I can then burst forth in unwavering obedience and devotion.

As usual, I think I've had the whole thing backward. The excercise and discipline of obedience is what will bring about wisdom and understanding. I step out in obedience without understanding (something called FAITH), and the understanding will follow as a result of my action.

I'm considering re-writing my journal:

Lord...
may my obedience result in understanding.
may I endure so that You will give me strength.
may I be blameless and, therefore, find wisdom.
may the discipline of contentment result in Your peace.
may I trust in You while being patient.