Paul loved Christmas. Of course, all kids love Christmas, but he seemed to treasure it more than the average kid. It wasn't just about getting gifts (are you kidding? Paul pretty much got gift year-round so Christmas was no biggie), he really loved the season of Christmas. While Jack and Whit were inside watching Sponge Bob, Paul would be outside with Daddy hanging the lights. While the other boys were playing video games, Paul sat on the couch and supervised my decorating of the windowsill ("Just a little more over that way, Mommy..."). We have one lonely lighted reindeer in our front yard because of Paul. He wore me down one year until I finally bought one.
This morning, I've been getting ready for a Christmas party we're having tonight. In the middle of all the cleaning and organizing, I stopped at Paul's picture that sits at my kitchen sink. I stood there and had myself a good cry while I missed him. I wondered what would be on his Christmas list this year and I cried some more. I thought about how much he loved looking at Christmas lights and continued my bawl-fest. I miss him...
...And then I noticed that the soap dispenser was almost empty, so I filled it up...
4 comments:
I didn't even know Paul but your post makes me miss him too...I miss him for you. So so much.
Dearest Leigh...I can't even imagine the depth of your 'missing'. I am praying for you.
I can't wait to drive by and see that reindeer. It will make me smile.
Leigh,
I have tons of those moments lately...what would Nate have asked for? Would he still wanna play santa xmas morning and hand out presents? Missing Nate and Paul, Penelope, James, Max, Christi, and too many others this holiday. As always Leigh thank you for putting it out there for all of us to read and relate too. You understand in ways so many can't.
Love
Abra McKean
Mommy to Natey
10/24/01-6/16/07
Leigh,
I check in with you and Terrill often, but have not posted. Your message touched me and gave me some perspective on my CRAZY over-scheduled life with Nick (15) and Emma (almost 13). I've been feeling so sorry for myself "having" to do all the Christmas preparation, baking, shuttling to extracurriculars, etc. My heart aches for your loss. Know that you and Terrill are never far from my thoughts.
Loretta
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