It's the big things.
Recently, some friends of ours got married. It was a beautiful ceremony. Even more special was the fact that Paul's very best friend, Madalyn, was a flower girl. As she walked down the aisle, I couldn't help but be amazed at how much she has changed in the past 2 years. Of course, it made me think of Paul. What would he look like now as an 8-year-old? Who would his friends be now? Would he still be in love with Nascar? Would he squirm during the wedding service? Be excited to wave at Madalyn? I'm not naive enough to believe that the two would continue to be friends or eventually get married or anything silly like that. But, a wedding ceremony does leave me to wonder... and wondering always makes me cry.
It's the little things.
Nutrigrain bars. Some people call them cereal bars; we always called them cookie bars. Paul was my only child who liked them, and we bought them regularly. It was a quick snack that I always felt was nutritious, so I let him have them whenever he wanted. I can remember many times cutting them into little pieces (one cut length-wise and four cuts long ways) and putting them into a snack baggie for the trip to the clinic. Well, about six or seven of those things have been sitting in the bottom of our cookie jar since before Paul died. That's two years for those of you who don't know. I haven't had the heart, guts, emotional fortitude, desire, or whatever else it would take to throw them away, so they have remained.
Recently, I decided it was time. I stared at them, then I turned my back on the cookie jar and cried. Finally, in one complete motion and in about 1/4 of a second, I scooped them out of the jar and pitched them into the garbage. Then I cried some more.
Yeah, it's the little things. And the big ones.
6 comments:
Praying you through the big things and the little things!
Leigh, I can't imagine, but I can pray for you.
It's the little things--reminders that can bring on the most tears. Still praying for all of you.
Laura Fiedler
I feel for you, my friend. As I watch Sam grow I think of Paul and how he would have changed and you would be amazed at how tall he's gotten recently and how grown up he is acting all of the sudden. It makes my heart hurt that you dont get to experience those things too...
Judy
That was a big thing. I still have a half-eaten granola bar and an opened bottle of water. I did give away a backpack and a sleeping bag this week though. I think it's good to wait until you are ready to let go--sometimes it's still hard even when you think you are ready.
Something reminded us of Paul today, which sent me to your blog to check up on you guys. Please know that he/you are not forgotten.
Praying for you.
Yours because His
I have been following the original blog for about 3 years now and stop in on yours every couple of weeks to see if you've added to yours! Lindsay introduced me to y'alls blog and I have only commented once. Paul died about 2-3 weeks before my mother did. And it is the little things that we hold on to so we can remember them. My mom loved to work crossword puzzles. I still have the pencil she used, I have a shoe box where I keep some little things that remind me of her. I don't see how you were able to throw them out! That took a LOT of courage to do that. There is NO way I would have been able to do that (doesn't help that I am a pack-rat) and I applaud you for being able to! Y'all have been in my prayers for the last 3 years and will remain there!
Debra Nix
kdnix99@bellsouth.net
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