Questions and Answers

Four score and twenty years ago in a galaxy far, far way, Whit did not talk. Then the Baylor Speech and Laguage therapists entered his life, and things are quite different currently. Today, he talks. And talks. And talks.

Currently, he's asking a lot of questions. Some of them are easy to answer: Can I have some more gum? Can I stay up later? Can I ride the dog like a horse? Others take a little more effort: Why do we have skin? How fast do clouds move? How far is space? Why are butterflies nice?

There was a time when he was working through questions about Paul: Why did Paul die? Why was Paul sick? Will I die if I get sick? Where is heaven? Where is God? There's nothing quite like a 5-year-old to force you to answer the really tough ones.

I think he's worked through all of that (or maybe he's just figured out that I don't know any more than he does) because he isn't asking those questions anymore. He still talks about Paul, but these days, it's not questions that he's asking, but memories that he's vocalizing.

His question-asking can be incessant at times and, I must admit, really tries my patience. I try hard not to let my frustration be heard in my voice, but I'm rarely successful. However, the other night, he asked a question that really got my attention. I was tucking him in bed, and he looked up at me and asked, "Mommy, why are we still alive?" I asked him to repeat the question, partly to make sure I heard him correctly, and partly to buy some time to think of my answer.

It took me a minute, but then I realized his angle. Whenever he would ask me why Paul died, I would tell him that the Lord was ready to have Paul with Him and to make Paul completely well by giving him a new body. I told him that God created Paul, loved him even more than we did, and had made a special place in heaven for him. Once he had grasped that concept, his next question was naturally, "Then why are we still here?"

And then I realized that I'm still stuck. Even though I'm giving my son all the answers, I'm still asking the same question: "Why did Paul die?" I haven't moved on to the next place yet: "Why am I still alive? What purpose does God have for me still here on earth?" What an extraordinary place of faith! To move past the "Why is Paul dead?" and to land on "Why am I NOT?"

I told Whit exactly what I believe: that he is still alive because God has a reason for him to be here... a purpose for him on this earth, and that God would not leave him here on earth, apart from Himself, for one minute longer than He absolutely has to.

I don't know if my answer helped Whit any, but his question did a lot for me. It's one I'm going to ask myself everyday until I have an answer.